


Butterfly Effect

by cuphalffull



Category: Naruto
Genre: BAMF Haruno Sakura, F/F, Genjutsu Expert! Sakura, Strong Haruno Sakura, What if Kakashi recognised Sakura's potential, What if Sakura didn't like Sasuke
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-07
Updated: 2020-12-12
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:54:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26875516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cuphalffull/pseuds/cuphalffull
Summary: In one universe, Sakura Haruno goes outside after class and waits to have rocks thrown at her while she eats lunch. In this one, she pauses by Sasuke Uchiha’s place at one of the long academy desks.In every universe, Kakashi Hatake looks up and sees – for the briefest of moments – his dead teammate grinning down at him. In this one, he blinks and blinks until he sees pink hair instead of brown. Haruno, not Nohara.Choices made in two moments drastically change the course of Sakura’s life.
Relationships: Haruno Sakura/Yamanaka Ino
Comments: 107
Kudos: 575





	1. Beginning

In one universe, Sakura Haruno goes outside after class and waits to have rocks thrown at her while she eats lunch.

In this one, she pauses by Sasuke Uchiha’s place on one of the long academy desks. She doesn’t know him very well, apart from what everyone knows, but nobody bothers him. And today, she really doesn’t want to be bothered.

“Sasuke,” she starts, anxiety eating her from the inside out. “Can I please sit with you at lunch?”

He doesn’t even look at her. “No.”

Her chest tightens. “Please. Ami is-”

“Are you stupid?” His voice goes dark. Her watches her shake, flushed with embarrassment, like she is disgusting. “I said no. Leave me alone.”

On weak legs, Sakura does.

When Ino Yamanaka stops the rocks later that day, arms spread wide, Sakura feels safe in her own skin for the first time in months. And three years later, when Ino admits she has a crush on Sasuke, bright-eyed and blushing, Sakura doesn’t challenge her; she remembers the look on his face, _are you stupid_ , and hates him a little.

* * *

In both universes, Sakura sees Zabuza Momochi and crumbles inside.

In one universe she lets it paralyse her. In this one, she throws up her kunai to parry his sword, because even though she doesn’t really like any of the boys on this mission with her she doesn’t want them to _die-_

He presses, presses, presses, until her arms tremble and her knees buckle.

Then Sasuke joins her. And with him on board, they push him back from the bridge builder until Kakashi comes between them.

“Thanks,” Sakura manages, getting back into formation, ignoring the acid in her throat and the ache in her bones.

Sasuke nods to her, but he isn’t scowling. It’s as good as a smile.

* * *

At the top of the tree, Sakura waits for the rest of her team to realise she’s there. When they don’t, she is disappointed but not particularly surprised.

In every universe, Kakashi Hatake looks up and sees – for the briefest of moments – his dead teammate grinning down at him.

In every universe it’s painful and in every universe he has to make a choice.

In one, he looks away. Because it’s easier, because it hurts.

In _this_ one, he blinks and blinks until he sees pink hair instead of brown. Haruno, not Nohara.

In this one, he watches Sakura at the top of the tree – a civilian born girl with chakra control that not even he had at that age – and sees potential.


	2. Enough

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sakura feels, for a brief moment, like becoming a ninja was a mistake.

Kakashi leaves the boys to their own devices – the two of them glaring at the tree before them like it’s a breathing enemy – and takes Sakura out of the forest.

“Where are we going sensei?” Sakura asks. She’s been mostly quiet as they walked, concerned about what was in store, but raises her brows when he points to the expanse of water surrounding Tazuna’s family home.

“Try walking on that,” he says, one visible eye crinkling from a hidden smile.

Sakura looks, calculating. “Same principle?”

Kakashi nods, leaning heavily on his crutches. “It’s more unpredictable. Where a tree is consistent, the support you get from the water can change moment to moment.”

The young genin nods thoughtfully, as they approach the edge of the boardwalk. “Like the difference between throwing a kunai at a stationary target and a moving one.”

“Exactly.”

Sakura hesitates for a moment, before tentatively pressing a foot to the surface of the water. She grimaces when it begins to sink, brows furrowing until it rises again.

When she brings her other foot from the wooden boards, she wobbles – one foot aloft and the other dipping in and out of the ocean – until, carefully, she settles her dry foot next to the other.

Sakura hovers, a little unsteady, then nods to herself and turns to Kakashi.

“Try walking,” he says, though his voice betrays more than a little surprise.

And, like it’s the easiest thing in the world, Sakura does. Back and forth, from a careful walk to a joyful run, smiling widely as she goes.

Kakashi rubs at the back of his neck. “Well. This is very impressive Sakura. _Very_ impressive. Not many shinobi can learn these techniques as easily as you have.”

Sakura beams, pride emanating from every pore, and Kakashi feels like trash. He would have written her off. Completely, utterly, if he’d not looked twice. Underneath the underneath.

“Honestly,” he continues, sheepish, “I didn’t expect any of you to learn them so fast. I don’t have anything particular in mind for you to focus on right now. So: what do you think your particular strengths and weaknesses are?”

Sakura thinks for less than two seconds. “Taijutsu. I’m not fast enough of strong enough. And while my chakra control is good, my reserves are poor.”

Kakashi nods. “Right. Well, the first thing I think I can teach you right now is how best to use chakra to enhance your hits.”

Sakura blinks. “Isn’t that what Tsunade does?”

“Yes and no,” Kakashi says, head tilting thoughtfully. “She perfected the premise. People who’ve tried to emulate it have suffered a variety of injuries: from ruining the chakra pathways in their hands and feet, to losing limbs on impact. It takes a lot of chakra control and, while yours is impeccable, I wouldn’t recommend trying it. What you could lose could be more than you gain.”

Sakura blanches. “Understood sensei.”

“I’ll teach you the basics now. Then, when we get back to Konoha, I’ll give you some more deliberate taijutsu training. There’s no use tiring you out when you’re on a mission, where you could be attacked at any time.”

She nods firmly. “Where do we start?”

* * *

When she punches him – as instructed, into his open hand – he doesn’t even move.

She flushes, but Kakashi just pats the top of her head. “It’s a very good punch Sakura, but you’re not using any chakra at all.”

Sakura blinks. “What?”

Kakashi just looks at her, clearly puzzled. “You have to use chakra in taijutsu. Not much, just enough to strengthen your muscles.”

“I didn’t know that,” she says quietly.

His face clears of confusion abruptly, realising. “Your parents are civilian, right?”

Old taunts – _you’ll never be a proper ninja­_ – resurface for the first time in years. She lifts her chin a little. “Yes.”

“Many of your peers have been training for graduation since they were born,” he says kindly. “The academy doesn’t usually teach it, because they assume you’ll already know. I’ve heard from plenty of civilian born ninja that it’s one of many things they had to learn on their own.”

Sakura feels, for a brief moment, like becoming a ninja was a mistake. That she should have listened to her mother when she had screamed and cried on her graduation day – because she never thought her daughter would _actually_ graduate, because she was convinced that it was just a phase – that Sakura would get herself killed, because she’s not a ninja she’s a _civilian-_

That feeling is almost immediately replaced by cold fury, helpless frustration. Because, again, she has been reminded that she will always have to work twice as hard as most of her peers to know what _they_ know. To know _who_ they know. To _learn_ what they learn.

Even Ino, who has never been anything but helpful and encouraging, has never quite understood her almost religious studiousness. But, then, Ino has never really had to be concerned about being expelled from the academy.

If Ino had been dead last, she would have been given remedial classes. If Sakura had been dead last, she would have been forced to seriously consider whether being a ninja was the right route for her.

But.

She’s on her first mission. She’s a genin, has passed the most unlikely team graduation exercise in existence, and she’s not stupid.

Kakashi Hatake, arguably one of the most talented and revered ninja of his generation, is teaching her one-on-one and telling her he is impressed. That _she_ is impressive.

It’s taken four years, but Sakura finally feels that the playing field has been levelled in her favour. She’s not going to miss the opportunity to prove that she doesn’t need to come from a clan to be _enough_.

“How do I do it?"

* * *

He shows her the best way to pool her chakra into her arms and observes her kata. When he asks her to punch his open hand for the second time, chakra applied, he staggers backwards.

Sakura is delighted.

“Better late than never,” Kakashi says, shaking his hand out. “I think you’d benefit from weights. It would help rapidly improve your speed and stamina. But we really would have to wait until we return to Konoha for that one.”

“Sensei,” she says, curious. “If I were to pool chakra into my _legs_ …”

He inclines his head. “Same principle.” 

Her smile, Kakashi thinks, is almost feral.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think about this! The response from the last chapter was overwhelming and wonderful, thank you so much for leaving your kind comments :) 
> 
> I'm working full time at the moment, and working on my first novel, but after reading the manga again I had to get this idea out of my head. I'm enjoying it immensely. I'm hoping to update this as regularly as possible, as I have fleshed out ideas that lead well into the shippuden, but these might be slow to come or even delayed at times. Please be patient with me: I will not abandon this story. 
> 
> Thank you for reading xx


	3. The Bridge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sakura looks her new career in the eye and loses something she didn't think she'd miss.

Sakura walks through Wave with thinly veiled discomfort. She has never seen poverty like this in her life, not even in the poorest areas of Konoha.

Her nice clothes feel frivolous rather than practical, when faced with the rags children her age are wearing. When she sees the near-empty display racks at the market, and the sharp collarbones of an elderly woman sizing up limp vegetables, her full stomach feels like a privilege.

Tazuna glances at her every now and then, but his dark eyes are unreadable. It’s only when they walk through the quieter parts of town that he speaks, his feelings crystal clear. “It wasn’t always like this.”

 _Shame_. She knows it well. “I’m sure it wasn’t.”

“It’s why the bridge is so important,” he continues. “Not only will it cut off Gato and his men, it will restore our pride. Our way of life.”

“Hope,” Sakura says softly.

“And Kami knows we’ve not had much of that for a very long time.” Tazuna clears his throat, mouth a thin line. “I’m sorry I got you into all this.”

“It would have been wrong to leave you.” She hesitates. “And this is what we do.”

“You’re _children_."

“We’re _ninja_ ,” Sakura corrects. “And this has been good for us, believe it or not.”

The bridge builder looks at her like she’s lost her mind. “Really?”

Good might be a strong word, Sakura admits, but eye-opening is not. Not only has it made her confront the worst parts of the shinobi world – corruption, deceit, murder – directly, it’s answered a question that’s haunted her thoughts since she graduated: is she the kunoichi she was trained to become, or a civilian playing pretend?

When her kunai came up, with barely a stray thought, to protect the bridge builder, she put that old fear to rest.

“Really,” she says, with a little more conviction.

Tazuna looks beyond puzzled, but manages a small smile. “Well. That’s good.”

* * *

Kakashi gives her three tasks.

“It’s unlikely that Zabuza will turn up,” he says, before she sets out for the bridge with Tazuna. “So in the meantime, I want you to train. Practice your kata and integrate your new strength. Do _not-_ ” He looks at her pointedly. “Use more chakra than necessary. Remember what I told you about side-effects. I would also like you to meditate.”

“Meditate?” Sakura’s nose wrinkles. She had never been able to do it in the academy; it was one of the few exercises she saw as a total waste of time.

Kakashi nods. “Yes. Focus on your chakra core and the flow around your body. See how it moves and how it gathers when you focus it into your limbs. I know your chakra control is exemplary, but it’s good practice for combat and can also increase your reserves.”

She sighs. “Okay.”

He rests a hand on the top of her head, messes up her hair. “You’ll do great. Later this week, I’ll send a clone with you most days just in case. But for now, I think the boys need all the help they can get.”

She bats his hand away. “They haven’t made it up the tree yet?”

“No.” Sakura can tell he’s smiling under his mask. He leans in a little, conspiratorial. “They don’t need to make it all the way up the tree, but I’m not going to tell them that.”

Her mouth drops open. “Sensei!”

Kakashi shrugs, turning to walk back to the house. “It’ll teach them to listen.”

* * *

Kakashi told her to protect Tazuna in the chaos, so she does. Every moment she cannot see through the mist is torture and every scream from Sasuke builds panic in her throat.

Then Naruto joins the fray and it all goes to hell.

“Sakura.”

Her head snaps to Tazuna. He’s pale, but resolute. “Go, I’ll follow. Do what you need to.”

She wavers, torn between duty and the need to _do_ something, then goes.

When Sakura sees them under the dome, she stops breathing. When Naruto howls, more beast than boy, she knows exactly what’s happened.

She expects tears, or fear, or hurt, but experiences none of those things. Rage, cold and burning, sits like acid in her stomach.

Sakura focuses all of that rage into her right hand and runs. Without even thinking, she swings it at the ice wall.

It gives way, shatters. Her hand explodes with pain, but her body thrums with so much adrenaline she can hardly feel it. Her ears ring.

When Sakura sees Naruto crouched over him, still screaming, something inside of her _breaks_.

Sasuke was not her friend. He was barely a teammate. But he was someone she’d grown up with, eaten with, taken tests with. And now he’s dead.

Naruto runs after the young man who trapped them, but Sakura doesn’t move.

She’s not sure how long it takes, but eventually Tazuna slips his hand through hers and tugs her forwards. She lets him.

Heart in her throat, Sakura sits next to Sasuke – and god he looks so small, so young – and start pulling the needles out of his broken body.

* * *

When it’s all over, Kakashi rests a gentle hand on her shoulder. She’s holding Sasuke’s hand, head aching.

“You broke the ice wall,” he says.

Sakura nods, listless. “Yeah.”

“That must have taken a lot of chakra.”

“Yeah,” she says. “Too much. I’m gonna pass out soon.”

“Sakura?” When she looks down, stiff fingers begin to tighten around her hand. “What happened?”

Sakura inhales deeply, like she’s spent a month under water. “Now, sensei.”

Her body tilts backwards and everything goes black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm overwhelmed by the response to this story. You've all been so kind and supportive in the comments. I can't thank you enough. 
> 
> Things are going to start to speed up now, but I wanted to focus on the Wave arc. I thought it was a lost opportunity to not focus on how Wave changed Sakura. As far as we know, she was brought up wanting for nothing. I refuse to believe that having to confront extreme suffering, something outside of her experience, wouldn't have an impact on her character development. 
> 
> Please let me know what you think about this chapter! I love seeing your comments. :)


	4. New World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Team 7 return home.

When Sakura passes under the gates, Naruto’s incessant chatter a dull buzz in her ears, she doesn’t see the village she left.

It shouldn’t be surprising, she thinks. Less than a day ago, her teammates buried two bodies in makeshift graves; the shovel blistered her hands and sweat blinded her eyes, as foreign blood stained her qipao.

Nothing will ever be the same again.

“Sign yourselves back in,” Kakashi says, gaze lingering on each of them in turn. “Usually I’d ask you to come with me to report, but I think it can wait. Go home and report tomorrow.”

Naruto cheers, Sasuke nods, and Sakura thinks about how she’s going to face her parents.

* * *

Explaining what happened in Wave is difficult, but the Hokage is gentle and the pay is good. She counts her money, remembers how red made her stand out during her time away, and decides the first thing she should do is buy new clothes.

She wanders around the shop for a while, picking at material that doesn’t appeal to her, until the shop owner intervenes.

“What are you looking for?” He has a wicked scar that carves through his nose, and not the palatable kind that Iruka-sensei has: it’s jagged, thick, and ugly. But when he smiles at her, it lifts his entire face.

“I’m not sure,” Sakura admits, approaching his desk at the back of the shop. “Something… normal?”

“Normal?” It’s clearly the last thing he expects her to say. He crosses his arms thoughtfully. “What do you mean by normal?”

“Uh.” She stutters, mouth struggling to keep up with her brain, until she settles on a word. “Practical.”

“Ah.” He frowns at her. “How long ago did you graduate?”

“A month ago.”

“You been wearing this?” He motions at her attire.

Sakura nods.

“Okay.” He comes out from behind the counter, tall and broad as the village gates, and sorts through an aisle she hadn’t gotten to yet. “What you’ve got on now is fine, but when you leave the village you want something as low-key as possible. And I’m talking more about camouflage than anything else, because your hitae ate will give you away- ah!”

He pulls out a couple of pairs of black trousers – similar to the kind that she’s seen Kakashi wear, but more cropped at the ankle – and holds them out to her. “These are your basic, run of the mill. They won’t chafe, they’re durable and heat resistant, they’re breathable. Less susceptible to tearing and general wear too, so they’ll last you when you’re looking to stretch your money.”

Sakura takes them from him, get a feel for them in her hands. The man is right: they _feel_ comfy. She smiles. “I like them.”

“It says a lot about you that you’ve decided to change your uniform this early,” he says, watching as she stretches and tests them. “I see some of the kids your age walking around like flares. It won’t do you any favours – save your good clothes for when you’re home.”

A spark of pride blooms in her chest. “I had my first mission out of Konoha. That’s what made me think about it.”

His brow quirks upwards in surprise. “Really? That’s early for a genin.”

“Yeah.” Sakura knows that mission details are supposed to be confidential, and that ultimately the mission had a good outcome, but a sliver of resentment hasn’t stopped bleeding yet. “The client lied about what was involved.”

The merchant’s eyes darken, exhaling sharply. “Your team okay?”

“They are now.”

His mouth twists. “Good. That’s all you can ask for.”

Sakura nods, avoiding his eyes.

There’s a moment of quiet before he claps a hand on her shoulder. “Come on. What else are you looking for today?”

* * *

“Wow, Sakura! You look great!”

Naruto sticks both his thumbs up at her, grinning like a fool, and it makes her smile. “Thanks.”

After a little searching, she’d also bought a few long-sleeved mesh shirts from Hiroto – who had offered his name while she’d payed – and some green vests.

Sasuke says nothing. He gives her a cursory once over, nothing more.

After Wave, Sakura expected them all to band together. She and Naruto had: it was hard not to, after putting your lives in each other’s hands.

Sasuke, however, had not. If anything, he was more distant than before.

And if Kakashi was going to insist on being late, she was going to take advantage of the time he’s giving them.

“Guys,” she says softly, steeling her reserve when they both turn to look at her. “Do you… do you want to get some food after training?”

Naruto nods eagerly, eyes wide with delight, but Sasuke huffs.

“No. I’m busy.”

“You’re such a bastard,” Naruto says, crossing his arms over his chest. “Why can’t you come?”

“Training.”

“What? That’s what we’re doing right now you idiot!”

“Sasuke,” Sakura interrupts, evenly as she can manage. “You don’t have to come, but I thought it might be nice.”

“Why should I bother?” He snaps, glaring at her. “I don’t care about either of you. You’ve got nothing to say that I’m interested in hearing.”

Rage, short and sharp, shatters her restraint. “No? How about the time I pulled all twenty-seven senbon from your body on the bridge? Or how I shattered the ice prison Haku trapped you in? Or, and this is a good one, that time Naruto beat the shit out of the boy he thought murdered you?”

Sasuke stares at her.

Sakura stares right back, jaw tight. “I’m not asking for much. You don’t have to eat with us. But show some respect, will you? We’re a team: we passed as one and we should act like one."

There’s a moment of pause, where clearly neither Naruto or Sasuke know what to say in reply, before a hand touches the top of her head.

“Hey, I’ve never seen you guys so quiet.”

Sakura looks up and Kakashi’s lone eye looks back.

“Hey Sensei,” Naruto starts suddenly, smiling again. “Do you wanna join me and Sakura for some food later?”

Kakashi hums, taking his hand away from my hair, and tilts his head. “Well… I don’t think I’m doing anything tonight. Sure.”

“Great.” Sakura turns to Sasuke, sees the way his expression has shifted into something a little more tired, a little more sad, and her frustration edges into pity.

 _One more time_ , she thinks. “Sasuke.”

His eyes dart to her, narrow.

She points to where Kakashi is talking to Naruto. “He has to take the mask off to eat, right? Wouldn’t want to miss that.”

A smile, brief and reluctant, curves his cheeks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! Sorry about the wait on this one, it took a little longer than I wanted, but I hope you enjoy it.
> 
> I would love it if you left a comment to let me know what you think. All your comments on the last one were wonderful and I loved answering them, thank you so much!
> 
> Stay safe, I'll see you in the next chapter :) x


	5. Success

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An introduction and a lesson.

“Are these your youthful students Kakashi?”

Sasuke and Naruto stop mid-spar, looking so startled Sakura’s hand slips down to her kunai pouch.

Kakashi claps a hand on her shoulder to stop the movement, simultaneously dispelling the clone she had been using for target practice. He brings his spare hand to her other shoulder, turning her gently to face the stranger at her back.

Sakura blinks: green. She tilts her head up, follows more green, until she hits an equally shocking set of white teeth, and a pair of eyebrows so thick they seem to have a life of their own.

“They are,” Kakashi says, with a hint of pride. “Naruto, Sasuke, Sakura: this is Gai. He’s going to be taking Sakura with him today to do some intensive taijutsu training.”

First Sakura wants to ask if they’re friends, but decides better of it; if Kakashi trusts Gai enough to send her to him, they must be. Or as close an approximation as the white-haired man allows.

Then, all she wants to ask is _how._ Because she’s never seen two more opposite looking creatures in her entire life.

“Hey, no fair sensei!” Naruto points at Kakashi, a picture of righteous outrage. “Why don’t we get to go?”

Sasuke says nothing, but watches the exchange with interest.

Sakura’s stomach sinks.

“The more the merrier,” Gai says cheerfully, winking at the blonde boy. “But I believe your sensei has other plans for you today.”

Naruto looks surprised. “You do?”

“I do,” Kakashi says. “Believe it or not. As a follow up to tree-walking, I will be teaching you how to walk on water today.”

“Why isn’t Sakura?” Sasuke asks, crossing his arms.

“Because Sakura already knows how,” Kakashi replies evenly, also crossing his arms. “She did it on her first try too.”

The two boys turn their eyes to her, shocked.

Far from being pleased to have defied expectations, Sakura is irritated. She glares at them both, lifts her chin.

Kakashi watches them eye each other, quiet for a moment. “Being jealous about training is not becoming or practical. Where you may advance easily in one area, your teammates may need encouragement. It’s not about favouritism: it’s about success. And you should want your teammates to succeed. If they don’t, they fall behind. If they fall behind, they die.”

 _That_ resonates. Naruto looks shamefaced. Sasuke’s head tilts towards the ground, expression unreadable.

Sakura thinks about how stupid she thought Naruto was when he couldn’t get even a foot up the tree, how accomplished it made her feel in comparison, and shuts her eyes tight in embarrassment.

“Joining Sakura won’t help you when you need to fight on the water,” he continues, quieter now that he realises they’re listening. “And perfecting walking on water won’t help Sakura in a fight. Do you understand?”

“Yes sensei,” they say, unanimous.

“Good.” Kakashi looks at Sakura, tilts his head to Gai. “Go on.”

She nods before bowing her head to Gai. “Thank you for agreeing to train me today.”

He grins, giving her a big thumbs up. “Looking forward to it! Come on. My team will be present, but they’ll be occupying themselves. My main focus will be you.”

Sakura’s smile turns anxious. _No pressure then._

“Good luck Sakura!” Naruto calls, as they begin to walk out of the training ground. “I’ll be walking on water as good as you by the time you get back, believe it!”

“I’ll hold you to that!” She raises a fist in support, smiling widely. “I’ll leave it to you to make sure Sasuke doesn’t drown, okay?”

When Naruto grins back, it’s infectious. When Sasuke glares at her, barely a hint of his usual sharpness, Sakura laughs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this one! Sorry it's taken a little time to get out - my work/life balance has been shot lately and I've been finding it hard to write. I wanted to get this out, though. 
> 
> Please let me know what you think in the comments. It's always a joy to see what you think and it always makes my day. 
> 
> Ino will be coming soon, I promise, but I felt there was a lot I had to set up before then! There are lessons that this incarnation of Sakura would have to learn in order to work with Sasuke and Naruto. She doesn't have the benefit of liking EITHER of them particularly well prior to being put in a team with them, so she would have to spend some time working at their teamwork and camaraderie. 
> 
> See you next time. Stay safe :) x


	6. Team Gai

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sakura trains with Gai. Kakashi has a question.

Team Gai is a mixed bag.

The first thing Sakura notices when she arrives at the other team’s training ground is that her temporary sensei has a double. He’s sparring with another boy at such a rapid speed, it’s difficult to follow his movements. 

In the time it takes Sakura to look to her left and back - to check for sure Gai _hasn’t_ actually managed to make it from one end of the field to another without her noticing – the double is less than a foot away.

She rears back, startled. When she loses her footing, arms flailing, someone catches her shoulders.

Sakura blinks as she’s confronted with dark eyes, a severe bowl cut, and the thickest pair of eyebrows she’s ever encountered.

“Hello,” the double greets, making no attempt to bring her back to her feet. “I will protect you with my life!”

“That’s nice,” Sakura says faintly, recognising the position for the romantic dip that it is. “Can you please help me up?”

“Let the girl go Lee,” a female voice calls. “She’s here for training, not flirting.”

“Of course,” says the double, Lee, bringing her back to her feet. “I meant no disrespect! If I caused offense, I’ll do five hundred laps around the village. That’s a promise!”

“Oh,” Sakura starts, a little panicked because she can tell he _absolutely_ means it. “Please, you don’t have to do that! I’m not upset.”

“If you’re sure-”

“Lee,” the same voice as before, closer, snaps. “Enough.”

Sakura turns back to the open field. A girl stands a few feet away from them, hair tied up in two buns on either side of her head, hands on her hips, frowning.

“TenTen,” Gai says brightly. “Lee, this is Sakura. Sakura, TenTen and Lee. Our weapons specialist and taijutsu specialist, respectively.”

Upon seeing her slightly startled look, the girl’s expression softens. “Hey, nice to meet you Sakura.”

Sakura nods, blushing. Something about TenTen is making her feel unusually shy. Maybe it’s because she’s clearly older than her – the way she stands and the tilt of her mouth telling of a confidence Sakura herself doesn’t have just yet – maybe it’s because she’s smiling, kind. Either way, an easy greeting stalls on her tongue. “Hi.”

“Neji is somewhere behind us,” TenTen continues, rolling her eyes. “But he probably won’t come over. Don’t take it to heart though, he’s like this with everyone.”

“No worries.” Sakura nods, breathing a little easier when TenTen turns to look for her missing teammate.

“Did you just graduate?”

“Yeah, a month ago.”

“Ah, we were last year’s rookies. How have you found missions so far?” TenTen gives her a knowing look. “Pretty boring right?”

Sakura thinks of Zabuza’s sword, bearing down on her; shadowing the bridge builder alone, with nothing but the limited weapons in her pouch and the knowledge that she wouldn’t stand a chance if her enemies returned; picking senbon out of her teammates body, ruined hand throbbing in her lap. Pain and fear and helplessness, everything totally out of her control. Blood on her qipao.

“Yeah,” she says, hollow even to her own ears. “Boring.”

A moment of silence, uncomfortable. The easy atmosphere of moments before evaporates.

“Sakura and I are going to be working one on one today,” Gai says, breaking the lull in conversation. “Lee, I’d like you and Neji to continue sparring. TenTen, I want you to practice summoning the hammer from the scroll I gave you. I think you’re nearly there.”

“Come friends!” Lee pumps his fist, brows furrowed in determination. “With the power of youth, we will succeed today!”

Sakura knows the TenTen is watching her. She meets the older girl’s eyes, makes an effort to smile. “Good luck with your scroll. Maybe I’ll see you later?”

TenTen nods, her concerned frown morphing into something reassuring. “Absolutely. It was nice meeting you Sakura.”

“Nice to meet you too. And you, Lee.”

Before Lee can open his mouth, TenTen grabs him by the arm and pulls him back to the other end of the playing field.

When they are far enough away, Gai rests his hand on her shoulder. “Are you alright?”

Sakura nods, chest tight. “Yeah.”

“Kakashi told me about what happened on your last mission,” he says gently. “You don’t need to explain yourself.”

“Okay,” she says, grateful.

“Now.” He removes his hand from Sakura’s shoulder, claps once. “Kakashi told me that you wanted to focus on taijutsu today?”

She stand a little straighter. “Yes sensei.”

“Why?” Gai asks, crossing his arms. He smiles at her knowingly, head tilting.

It feels like a trick question, Sakura thinks. He’s _saying_ it like it’s a trick question. “Because I need to improve.”

“I’m a taijutsu expert, you couldn’t be in better hands. But what do you hope to learn from me in just one session?”

“As much as possible.”

He nods. “And why do you think you’re not good enough?”

A million things occur to her at once, a hundred explanations: she played to her strengths, she had other priorities, she didn’t have time to train. All of them, excuses.

Sakura squares her jaw, exhales truth. It burns in her throat. “Because I didn’t work hard enough.”

But Gai only smiles wider, pleased, like that’s what he hoped she would say. “So why should I believe that you’ll work hard now?”

“Things are different now.” Sakura meets his eyes and hopes he believes her. “I have to work hard, otherwise I can’t protect myself or my team. I don’t want to be dead weight when our lives are in danger. So even if we only have this one session, sensei, I won’t just work hard today. I’ll use what you teach me to keep improving.”

He says nothing, expression frozen, silence stretching on.

Nails digging into her palms, she falters. “If you are willing to teach me that is. I didn’t mean to presume-”

He gives her a big thumbs up, teeth absolutely blinding and tears in his eyes. “A true expression of youthful determination. Well said! Have no doubt about it: I will teach you the best way to improve your taijutsu.”

Sakura bows her head, so relieved her legs shake. “Thank you so much. I’ll make you proud.”

“I’m sure you will.” Gai composes himself. “I must confess, however, I was curious about something Kakashi said. What’s this about you breaking a wall of ice with your bare hands?”

* * *

“So you just… did it?”

“Yeah,” Sakura says, cross-legged and frowning as she tries to summon the hazy memory. “I was furious. I could hear Naruto screaming, I knew something had happened, and all I could think about was that they were still trapped. I don’t know why or how I did it, I wasn’t thinking. It was like my anger was something alive. I focused it into my hand and just… swung.”

“And it cracked?”

“It shattered.”

Gai hums from where he is sat opposite her. “Interesting. Did you get any injuries?”

Sakura holds up her right hand. “I broke four of my knuckles and three of my fingers, dislocated all of them, and sprained my wrist. The medics healed them when I got back.”

While her hand had been relatively numb an hour or so after the final battle, feeling had soon returned. She had never known pain like it, had to bite her tongue to stop from screaming as Kakashi reset her dislocated fingers and then wrapped them to protect the fractures.

Burying the dead had been agony, but she hadn’t be deterred. Not by her team, not by her pain.

He looks a little impressed. “No damage in your chakra pathways?”

“No.

“None at all?” Even more incredulous.

“None at all.”

He eyes Sakura’s hand, deep in thought. “That’s actually a good outcome. A _very_ good outcome.”

Sakura blinks at him. “What?”

“Has Kakashi explained what happens to people who attempt Tsunade’s super strength?”

“Yes.” She smiles anxiously. “He wasn’t exaggerating?”

“Not at all. Unless the appendage is being detached from the body, external damage like this isn’t anything I’ve ever heard of. It’s always internal, fried pathways at the very least.” He nods to my hand. “I think it’s possible that your injuries have actually come from you hitting a chakra infused surface, _not_ because you infused your hand with chakra. If the ice wall shattered, you’ve managed to push all of that focused chakra out in… well, _almost_ the right way. If you had done it correctly, you wouldn’t have hurt your hand at all.”

“Huh.” She flexes her fingers.

“I think you’ve gotten the closest to what she can do,” Gai muses. “Do you think you could do it again?”

Sakura grimaces. “Maybe? I don’t know. Probably not.” 

“Well in that case, you’ve been very lucky. While I am a proponent of youthful curiosity, it isn’t worth losing your hands. I would advise you don’t attempt it again.”

“Don’t need to tell me twice, sensei.” 

“Good.” He smiles. “Knowing your limits is important, Sakura. In taijutsu _anyone_ can become proficient, as long as you are willing to put your heart and soul into practice. You alone are the master of your own ability. While pushing yourself is encouraged, hurting yourself is not.”

Sakura nods. When Gai stands to his feet, she follows suit.

“Now,” he says, widening his stance. His grin is unnerving. “Let’s see what you can do.”

Then, he is a blur.

Sakura falls into a hasty defensive stance, barely ducking the leg aimed at her head, and wonders if she will be in one piece at the end of the session – physically, as well as emotionally.

* * *

“Your taijutsu is… functional.”

“What does that mean?” Sakura’s face scrunches, flat on her back in the dirt. She’s sweating like a pig, fresh bruises swelling all over her body; he destroyed her, no ifs or buts.

Gai is almost apologetic. “Good for an academy student.”

She wishes she could sink through the dirt.

“But not to worry,” he continues. “That means you only have a straight trajectory for improvement! Your potential has yet to be recognised!”

“Great,” she mumbles.

“I think you’d benefit from weights, preferably on each limb.” He holds out a hand to her, which she takes, and pulls her upright. “It’ll be the quickest way to rapidly improve your speed and strength. But I must remind you: it’s a supplement, not a replacement for hard work.”

Sakura imagines her arms and legs pulling her to the ground, crumpling like a doll. “How heavy were you thinking?”

“Starting small, but increasing every week. Two weeks, if you’re finding it difficult to manage. There’s a shop in the central district that sells weights that you can infuse with chakra, which I think would work best for you. Your good chakra control means you should be able to manage the adjustments just fine.”

She nods, thoughtful. “Sounds good.”

“And,” he adds. “I would recommend you find a good sparring partner. I can tell you don’t have one.”

After a moment of indignant anger on her teammates behalf, mouth half-open to argue, Sakura realises what Gai is talking about. It’s not a slight on their ability, or even her own, rather their reluctance to treat her as an equal opponent.

She says nothing. She knows it’s true.

His tone softens. “The most important thing is to spar with a partner who isn’t afraid to hurt you. When you’re out on a mission, your opponents won’t be. You either need to level with Sasuke and Naruto, or find someone else. Maybe someone in your graduating year?”

Immediately, Sakura thinks of Ino. Ino, who beat her soundly as a child but never thought any less of her; Ino, who never pulled her punches.

“Yeah,” she says. “Yeah, I think I know someone.”

“Good.” He smiles, reaches out to the ruffle the hair on top of her head. “Remember: you are the master of your own ability. You’ve got a lot of potential, so don’t waste it.”

Sakura’s chest aches with pride, bows her head. “Thank you, Gai-sensei.”

His smile takes on a darker edge.

She barely catches the leg that comes up to kick her in chest. Taken by the momentum of the kick, however, she is launched across the field.

“But the day is still young,” he calls. “And there is still plenty I can teach you!”

* * *

When Sakura returns to Team 7’s training ground, she is hurting in a way she has never hurt before. It’s hard to identify exactly where the pain starts and she begins: her muscles are stretched beyond comprehension, her jaw throbs where Gai landed a good hit, and her feet spark with heat every time they touch the earth.

But she’s smiling.

“Well, well, well. Looks like you’ve had quite the day.”

Sakura looks up – Kakashi, hands in his pockets, amused. “You could have warned me that Gai-sensei was a slave-driver.”

“Ah,” he says. “But that would have ruined the surprise.”

She eyes the field behind him. “Where are Naruto and Sasuke?”

Kakashi hums. “Probably drowning somewhere.”

Sakura bursts into laughter. “Water walking not agreeing with them?”

“No. I think they might have gained a bit more respect for you today.”

“More than tree climbing?”

“More than tree climbing,” Kakashi confirms. He pauses, takes a deep breath, exhales like it hurts. “Sakura, I’ve been meaning to talk to you about what happened at Wave. Away from the boys."

Her smile falls, throat tight. “I know I shouldn’t have hit the-”

“No. Not that.” His jaw works, clearly uncomfortable. “Sakura, are you okay?”

Sakura stares at him.

“A lot happened on that mission,” he continues. “More than you should have ever had to deal with at your age. And I just wanted to make sure that you’re… coping.”

“I…” Where should she even start? “I’m still scared. All the time. ”

Kakashi nods. “That’s normal. When you’re in danger for the first time, mortal danger, it can take a while to shake off. Especially when you’re not expecting it, and we definitely weren’t. It’s like you’re being watched all the time, right?”

“Yeah. But it’s more than that.” Sakura averts her eyes, so she doesn’t have to see his reaction. “I thought coming back to the village would make it stop, like the walls were a safety blanket or something. But they’re not. I’m having nightmares, I can’t sleep, I’m… I think I’m angrier than I was before. I get irritated so _easily-_ ”

“Sakura-”

“It’s just…” She wavers, words falling through her lips before she can stop it. “Sasuke and Naruto don’t seem to care at all. And they had it worse than me! Sasuke nearly died, Naruto was trapped and beaten, and all I did was look after the client. I shouldn’t be so…”

Kakashi watches Sakura for a moment, her bowed head. Then he kneels in front of her, taking hold of both shoulders. “Suppose that was true, and it’s not, that you _just_ protected your client: why should your hurt mean any less than theirs, just because it’s different?”

She says nothing.

“Pain is relative,” he continues, squeezing her shoulders lightly. “And it’s yours. There’s a reason genin aren’t allowed on A-rank missions. Watching your teammates get hurt is traumatic, at any age or rank. Nothing that happened was your fault and you’ve got no reason to be ashamed.” His visible eye creases, kind. “And I’m willing to bet that Naruto and Sasuke aren’t as unaffected as they’re letting on. I’ll be getting around to them too.”

Sakura sniffs, but some of the ache in her chest is bleeding out of her. “Boys are stupid.”

Kakashi laughs. “They grow up, I promise.”

“Good,” she mumbles, wiping at her eyes. “I don’t think I could take too many years of this.”

He stands up straight again, tilts his head. “You ready to find them?”

She sniffs. “Yeah.”

“Come on,” he says, bumping her shoulder gently.

Sakura flashes him a quick smile, wipes the sweat from her brow, and follows him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this took a while to get out, but it's taken some doing to get all the things I wanted to write into something that makes sense. I hope you enjoy this one. 
> 
> Please let me know what you think in the comments. All of your feedback is very welcome :)
> 
> xx

**Author's Note:**

> I would love to know what you think! Thank you for reading :) x


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